Spin the Lime

We almost kicked butt at trivia tonight - but "Jeff's Scrotum" fell in the last round.

It's official

Chris D. just rocked the house on AI. They saved the best for last; he is so smoking HOT. I would sell my soul for a ticket to his concert. I would sell my soul for a drop of sweat from his bald head. Too much information? Probably.

And the angel descended from the ladder - and God said it was good

This morning Tom asked me if I wanted to run upstairs with him to check something out - but first we had to stop on the 3rd floor because he needed to talk to Jimmy. Jimmy is an electrician who does work at the different buildings - I've never met him. So there I am in the room with Tom and Jimmy - Jimmy's up on a ladder - top half of his body up in the ceiling working on the wiring.... I'm staring straight up the ladder being nosy - looking at what he's doing - and he starts to come down the ladder. Jimmy turns around to face us and I knew there was a God. A very good one indeed. Jimmy was so pretty I couldn't look at him - All I could do was supress the need to laugh like a little girl - but knew that would be TOTALLY inappropriate! So I uh look at the floor - look at the wall - look at anything but the Jimmy. He reminded me of the gardener on Desperate Housewives but buffer and hotter. Tom and I get on the elevator and Tom has this shit eating grin on his face and I start with the little girl laugh - can't supress it anymore. Tom apparently set me up - figured I'd enjoy the view. He was right - hate him! Just kidding :-)

Sunday

Weekend Pics

Too Funny

Snooky has this pic posted on her blog (her link is on my page) and it made me laugh so hard I almost spit my food out of my mouth!

I was wrong

Apparently the new phrase for AI is not color of your voice but rather Blueprint of your life. I feel sorry for Paula sometimes - it's like she has no control of what comes out her mouth. Pleased with the top 12 - of course mostly I'm just pleased I get to see Chris D for yet another week.

Shout out to my family - wish I could be there next week with J & J! Miss you and love you all!

The Sopranos starts on Sunday and we don't have HBO - I feel a little desperate.

Friday - Friday - Friday! Getting ready for the Shamrock Showdown next Friday- Emma, Jenna, and Amanda's first roller derby bout. While they won't be skating on the 17th - it'll still be fun to watch!

Ooops - Ambien is in the news - My favorite prescription drug just made the top 10 list of drugs found in impaired drivers. Drivers say they don't remember driving after taking the pill. Hello??? Do they not read the warning label? I can't comprehend how the hell they are able to walk to their car after they take it. I can't even walk to my bed if I take it in the living room.

Goooooo TEAM!

Did anyone see the SIU cheerleader who fell from the top of the pyramid and broke her neck?

On her way out - in a C-collar - on a stretcher - she found the spirit (we've got spirit yes we do, we've got spirit, how bout you?) to actually continue the cheer with her wee lil cheerleader hands!

I'm super glad she's ok (Gimme an S - Gimme an U -Gimme an P -Gimme an E -Gimme an R) honestly I am but it was ...disoncerting (?) to see her cheering while being carted off by the EMT's. She's going to make a full recovery and that truly is G R E AT .....G-R-E-A-T!!!

Dondo the Magiclown

Had an interesting encounter with a clown today. Alex, Andrea and I went to Salem to check out Salem State for Andrea and we had lunch at Rockafellas. On Saturdays the good folks at Rockafellas bring in a clown for the kiddies. I have a problem with clowns for lots of reasons...I got to add a new reason to my list today. I wanted a picture of the clown's setup because his name was...interesting - Dondo. I wonder now if maybe he's an Italian clown....at any rate....I went up to Dondo's platform and asked him if I could take a picture. He looked at me suspiciously (I already had my lie made up in my head - not sure why I did this other than survival instinct told me to have a lie ready). So he eyes me up and down and says, "Why do you want a picture?" Now I wanted to say..dude you're a clown...isn't that part of your deal...people take pictures of you and your clowness? Instead I went straight to my lie. I said, "I want it for my niece" (I don't have a niece). He replied - "Where's your niece?" I said at home and she likes clowns. He said, "What's she doing at home?" I was like..uh hanging out. Dondo the Magiclown then proceeds to tell me that "people" take pictures of clowns to steal things in the act and he had to be careful. Who knew there was a black market kinda thing for clown acts. I'm thinking to myself, "Do I look like a clown? Fatso the Clown? Do I look like I perform at birthdays and I'm trying to move in on your territory? In the end he let me take a picture of him juggling and I snuck in a pic of what I wanted in the first place...his platform. Enjoy the pictures. Creepy ass clown! On a side - note a lesson came into clear view today - we were asking people for directions today and during our slow drive up the streets of Salem and Lynn we were carefully looking for the right person to ask and I was about to pull over to ask a pedestrian for directions when I noticed he was having a pleasant conversation with himself. So lesson number one for asking directions - never, under any circumstances, ask someone for directions if they are having a conversation with one of their alternate personalities. I'm available for your next birthday....give me a holla and I'll be there with a big red nose, floppy shoes, and my Mini clown car. I can make balloon animals, creep out your kids, and juggle knives.

How High Do You have to be

After watching the results show on American Idol tonight ( my DVR did NOT record last night's show so I missed hotter than hot Chris sing) I just have one question - how high do you have to be to be a judge on AI? It seriously looked like P.A. was flying higher than a kite.

On another "I watch too much TV" front - I love LOST but honestly can someone please kill off Claire and her damned baby. I am so sick of her prattling on about her friggin baby!!! Not only does she only have lines that have the words "my baby" in them but she says it in the most annoying accent EVER!!! Please someone - have mercy - make "The Others" take them away. In addition - have you seen the way she holds/carries/bounces that bloody baby? I'm having flashbacks of that dreadful Michael Jackson interview where he's holding his baby - the one called Blanket, covered in a veil, feeding it a bottle, and bouncing it around like a giant red playground ball! Get these freaks into a parenting class for pete's sake!

On a positive TV note - Scrubs had two great episodes. The second was especially good.

I have more TV to watch...over and out.

N

I miss you so much I wish you were dead

K-love called me tonight in an effort to help alleviate our mutual boredom. We were talking about our kitties. She's very much in love with her cat Edgar. He's a huge orange cat with loads of personality and he's currently living with K's ex. She really misses Edgar - really really misses him. At one point after saying how much she loved him she said she thought it might be easier if he were dead. It was an odd little moment/pause - to which I replied - I miss you so much I wish you were dead. :-)

This might be one of those things that you had to be there to appreciate but we enjoyed ourselves.

Perfect Weekend

We were the personification of Eat Drink and be Merry this weekend. Thanks girls!!

The North End

Had some awesome Italian food tonight in the North End and laughed til we hurt!

Wanted - Dead or Alive - one HOT Cowboy

HOLY CRAP!! So I just heard my AI cowboy Chris Daughtry sing Wanted Dead or Alive - one of my all time favorite songs - and I am in love. End of story. He's my hero. It was almost as good as actually hearing Jon Bon Jovi (or JBJ as the drunken English boy says) sing it in concert. He's smoldering hot - hotter than hot - hottie Mc-hotness.

I am actually going to vote this year. ALOT! If you love me you'll vote for him too! :-)

Rash-a-rific

I hate rashes and any type of skin related reaction. I remember climbing a tree once when I was kid and for some reason I broke out in hives - nastiest thing I've ever seen.

Digging on American Idol choices this year...if they would only stop drawing it out for hours I might make it through the season without being bored - that and if my bald cowboy hat wearing stud stays in for the duration. Please remember these are 866 numbers and not 800 numbers. Remember folks - no more voting fiascoes like last year!

Got the notification yesterday regarding my 15 year high school reunion. Can't wait! Nothing beats August in the midwest (90 plus heat and humidity) and buckets o beer....oh and port -a- potties!!

K-love ~my soul sister ~ is coming back to Boston tomorrow for the weekend. We seriously haven't had a conversation in the past week or so without screaming at each other out of sheer excitement. And as I told her tonight when she said COMPLETELY inappropriate and hysterical....I skip right over laughter and go directly to barking or some such primal "laugh".

Mom and Dad are fishing and grinning in Florida - the fish are biting and I'm sure they are having fun riding around in the golf cart. There is something so totally relaxing about cruising around in that cart.

If you have a chance check out the books by Laurie Notaro - she's funny as sh*t and if you email her she'll write you back. Bonus.

A shout out to my BF Snooky! Love ya!!

I've been disappointed in my Dunkin Donuts coffee lately - I haven't had a perfect cup in days - I hope they get it right tomorrow. I had Taco Bell last weekend for the first time since I moved - it was simply the best bean burrito EVER!!!! Had some good retail therapy today - a new ring, new turtleneck - on sale - and a pair of jeans that are a size smaller than I currently wear ~ so pretty good day. Peace, love, and chocolate...

For Christina

Do I smell? Do you hate me?

Quotes

"In the depth of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer" Albert Camus

"One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love" Sophocles

"Tell me and I'll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I'll understand" Chinese Proverb

Pug eyes

Emma and I were having a burger tonight after our manicures - we had a great window seat and could people watch. A couple walked by with two cute pugs and Emma told me the best story. she has a friend who has a pug whose eye literally pops out of its socket when he gets excited! They have to take him to the vet to pop it back it in. I think I might die of laughter if I saw that happen - honestly. And if Jared was there with me and started laughing as well - I am certain death by laughter would happen.

Cheers! Friday!!! Tomorrow is Friday!! Friday - we are going to North Andover to eat Chinese at The Bejing (The Jing).

It's like a Hallmark card....but not

I'’ve been reading like a fiend lately. I finished three books in the past week, each one better than the next (well actually the middle one was my least favorite - –still great though - but you get the idea).

1. The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
2. Eleven Minutes also by Paulo Coelho
3. The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky ~ which I literally just finished two minutes ago

They made me think ~

Life, the Universe, God, or whatever you choose to call it, really does give you what you need ~ often hidden in everyday things. Like the strength to embrace those who try your patience and your will at every turn, or the realization that things have an end and even though at the time you can't imagine going on after that realization - you have a second realization that you can go on and you're stronger and wiser for having made it through - and even better is the peace that comes with knowing you wouldn't change a single moment of it.

Sharing funny stories and laughing your ass off over morning bagles, or afternoon walks and hallway talks about life with an unlikely new friend - or an old friend saying just the right thing - and the excitement shared of what the summer will bring with a new friend who felt like an old friend almost from the first moment. It's the chance to be 13 again for a few hours on a Saturday morning at a run down roller rink. It's the Jing, the thumbs up, the Tuesday visits from an infectiously "crazy"guy who visibly adores life, but who whistles a tiny bit too much, the unexpected card in the mail, the perfect song on the radio while driving on the perfect day, and Big Ben, fireworks, and fire engines on New Years Eve.

Finally it is the ability to wrap your mind and heart around the overwhelming gratitude you have for all these people who helped Life, the Universe, God give you what you needed - most of you probably have no idea of the "small" things you have done to fill my heart. If you are reading this (provided you aren't some random web-surfer) you can rest assured that I have a story about you and your kindness, your gentleness, your humor, your patience, or your strength. You can also be certain that I thank you for sharing it with me - sometimes it was obvious and apparent immediately -and other times it was hidden in the everyday things - but it never went unnoticed. I'll pass it on.

:-)

The "Blizzard"

Loved watching the snow Sunday! Love love loved it!

Burgers

We ate dinner tonight at Mr. Bartley’s in Harvard Square ~ a place famous for their hamburgers. The quarters are cramped and you so much as inhale and you take up space at the table next to you. The three college students sitting next to us ordered three burgers ~ medium rare to rare. What I witnessed after the burgers came could have been a scene from animal planet. They literally tore into the bloody burgers with the speed of a sprinter on crack. I swear I’ve never seen anything like it. In a flurry of condiment activity never seen before on earth one girl ~ the alpha of the pack ~ had pickles and onions flying through the air as she prepared to attack her kill. She took a handful of pickles from the jar on the table and threw them on her burger ~ then licked her fingers, and ever so gently took two pickles off the slab of cow and returned them to the community jar! Let me repeat…licked her freakin’ fingers and using those saliva covered digits, picked up the pickles and put them back INTO the COMMUNITY pickle jar! A treat no doubt for the next diner. All three of them commence with the carnage and it’s all blood, meat, bones, fur – flying. When finally satiated Alpha then caps it all off with three huge nose blows into the flimsy napkins on the table. Of course, the snot infused napkins go right onto her plate to share with the unsuspecting waitress who will clean the table.

http://www.hollyeats.com/Bartleys.htm

American Idol

In previous years the AI Judges have used such catchy phrases as "Your voice is unique" "You have the whole package" blahblahblah. The new phrase for this year seems to come from the ever quotable, eternally sweet, cradle robbin' wanna be, Paula (love her, I do). "Color of your voice" - or some such variation. I've already heard several times in the last few shows.
Keep your ears open.

Bumper Sticker

What Would Scooby-Do?

Quotes

I was watching an episode of Oprah with the family of Teddy Ebersol (the son of Dick Ebersol and Susan Saint James who died in a plane crash in 2004) and she said two quotes that I love. First she said in order to deal with the loss of her son she had to define her faith and people were telling her things like it's all part of a plan and God liked Teddy so much he wanted him back etc., and none of these things made sense to her; so she defined her faith as this "God gave us free will and he became powerless and it i’s all unfolding completely as it should and it i’s all in how we deal with it." The second was a quote someone sent her ~ "We are not human beings having spiritual experiences we are spiritual beings having human experiences"

And another that Teddy said when he was in 8th grade. "The finish line is just the beginning of a whole new race."

I know I don't do it justice.

Chuck Norris

Emma sent this to me today. Some of you might have seen this...I don't know why it cracks me up so much but I seriously can't get through it without laughing my butt off.

http://www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty

Weekend Rituals

It is my habit to have Dunkin Donuts coffee and a Double Chocolate donut on Saturdays and brunch at Legal on Sundays. I didn't make it to brunch today but opted for two days of donuts instead. In the elevator I met an older man who I see regularly on the bus. He's the nicest guy; retired and works part time as a tour guide for various visitors from all over the world. Interesting man and I enjoy chatting with him. Turns out he was going to DD as well and offered me a ride. We got our fix and as we were exiting the car to go back to our apartments I hear two large uh farts (fahts). I was so startled that for a minute I thought they came from me. I then hear two more and realize...nope not mine. Of course I didn't say anything about it and neither did he...but it got me to thinking...is this what we have to look forward to in old age...random, uncontrollable flatulence?

I have to tell a lil story on my G'ma related to this. Now G is the epitome of a grandma, sweet, innocent, polite ~ the whole granny package. I've never heard her say a bad word, never heard her burp, belch, or even hiccup until one holiday dinner. G was making dinner~she and I were the only ones in the kitchen and I hear the tiniest toot from her side of the room. Shocked into laughter I asked her if she did indeed let a teeny toot rip. She laughed and said "Well I didn't think anyone would hear me!" She's 95 and I guess flatulence that age is ok and you've earned the right to toot, fart, pass gas, whatever in your own kitchen. I still though hold out hope I don't fall victim, at least not too often, to the terror of the accidental toot. If you know me I've probably shared with you my avoidance of letting the gas escape...unless it's a burp...I seem to have no problem belching with the best of them. At any rate...I rarely pass the gas...I'm so bad that on the few occasions where I've let one escape while sleeping (for some reason I wake up right as it's happening) I will blush...even when I'm alone. I'm embarrassed even for myself to hear it.

Probably a little too much information today but I found it funny. :-)

Roller-rific

Skating was a blast! I did manage to fall a few times. Right after I started I fell right on my butt...it rattled my teeth. The second time...a small child cut me off and in order to avoid squashing her like a bug I took a dive. I have a nice goose egg on my left knee. I sorta like it because it's the first time I can remember actually having anything that resembles a knee bone. Here are the pics..you can see the roller rink dust on my knee.

There's also a nice picture of Amanda and her blister.

Kick Ass Chicks

Tomorrow morning I'm going roller skating with Em, Amanda, and Jenna. To say I'm excited is an understatement. The three of them are joining a roller derby and they are going to practice skating tomorrow and I get to tag along. No roller derby action tomorrow just skating. I have to say these three girls are amazing which brings me to the fact that I feel so blessed to know so many amazing women! Snooky, Kristin, Dee, Megan, Michelle, and the list goes on. Kick Ass Chicks!!

The skating tomorrow brought up some old memories of skating rinks from years gone by. The most vivid memory I have is going to the rink with my cousin Heidi while we were visiting her family in East Moline, IL. Heidi was an excellent skater and she had a skater boy boyfriend Tom. They were the it couple at the rink...totally awesome. At the end of the night they were couple skating and some boy knocked Heidi and she fell and hit her head. Bad but not the worst of it. She got up...all seemed to be ok...we went home. We went to bed...in the middle of the night she woke me up because she wasn't feeling well. Understatement number 2.

I wake up and notice a wetness on me and the sheets. Turns out she had puked all over the bed and ME. So I'm covered in puke. Nice. They took her to the hospital and my grandma..who was also on the trip with us... came in to sleep with me. I don't remember a whole lot except for the fact that I distinctly remember smelling like puke all night and it was really hard to sleep and I remember feeling like no one really cared much that I had been puked on. Just cared about Heidi and her concussion. Concussion...being puked on...isn't it obvious who deserves the sympathy? :-)

I was telling Kristin about tomorrow's skating adventure and she relayed her own humorous rink romp to me. She was at the rink and the cutest boy in school asked her to skate during the snowball. Now the snowball, I found out tonight, is when they turn off all the lights except for the disco ball ~ aka snowball. So the whole school is watching them snowball and she locked her wheel in his and they borderline flipped...and did in fact succeed in falling in front of the entire school. She said they both just got up without looking at each other and didn't speak to one another for at least a year. The shame...too overwhelming.

Ah young love in the 80's. Heidi and Kristin....tomorrow is for you. I'll try not to fall on my 33 year old ass. No locking wheels, no puking.

Tonight I went over the Emma's to watch some TV. (Thank god Master P finally got voted off Dancing with the Stars! Bless his heart but he wasn't any good) I walked up her stairs into the foyer and knocked on the door. I tried to open it and found it odd that it was locked...it's usually not locked when I go over. I was further surprised when the girl that answered the door wasn't Emma, Jenna, or Amanda. Turns out I had the wrong house! Yup, that's right...wrong house.

Thanks and good night!

Lost my mind and my car

I drove to work a few days ago and parked in the garage. I left the car there until this evening. I went down to the basement level where I left my car and it wasn't there. I looked all over the basement for it...nada...no car. Two other mini's but not mine. I went back up to tell The Colombian that I lost my car...he thought I was joking but sadly no joke. So we go back down to take another look and up one level...still no car. I'm beginning to feel the panic start to creep up...we go up to the garage office where they assured me that there hadn't been any cars towed recently. The girl in the office called someone to help me.

TC continues to look for it while I wait for the garage guy. The garage guy comes screaming up in a golf cart, I hop on and we're off. Down to the basement, and then up, level after level, feeling like I'm on an out of control roller coaster or Mr. Toad's Wild Ride...still no car...no word from TC.

According to the garage guy this isn't that unusual of an occurrence..some people who have more than one car actually forget which car they drove to work and end up on the golf cart searching for one car and finally realizing they drove the other car...so I didn't feel quite so stupid...stupid enough though. The whole time I just kept repeating over and over that my car is gone...it's gone..it's gone. I distinctly remember parking in the basement! Shocker ~ I was wrong. I actually parked on the 3rd level?!?!? Feeling stupid but relieved I'm finally reuinited with my car. Is it Friday yet?

Hump Day

Delusional. I'm watching American Idol and that's the word that keeps popping into my head. I think I'm going to try out next year. I think I have a shot. Total package. :-)

This is for my girl K....a little hump for hump day! (What you gonna do with all that junk? All that junk inside your trunk? My humps, my humps...)

The cat won't stay out of the toilet. He has a new fascination with the swirly water in the bowl.

Had an interesting conversation with the PR and The Columbian at work today. Em and I were sitting around gabbing with the boys and the PR told us a story of a trip to South America. His family "grew pigs" :-) and in honor of his visit they "picked" one and requested that he kill it so they could eat it for dinner. Unfortunately the knife they gave him was dull and try as he might he couldn't kill it because the knife was so dull. I think Grandma stepped in at this point and took care of business. Then they torched the pig and served up the swine for dinner. TC shared his own sweet swine story with a twist. No knife...but a bat. Which lent itself nicely to a talk on batting cages, Formula Uno, and rickety rollercoasters.
And I can't forget Emma. E did a fantastic re-enactment of a chicken dance scene from Arrested Development. I love my job!

That time of year

Yes friends it's American Idol time again. For those of you that haven't had the pleasure of watching these special people make utter fools of themselves you have no idea what you are missing. I'm not picking on the sweet souls that can't sing but rather those obnoxious "idols" that sound like a cat in heat yet swear they are it. It's freaking hi-larry-ass. On a side note my friend Emma bought the funniest t-shit. It's an outline of MA with the saying "Massachusetts...the M is for Shut the F*** Up" Or something close to that. . There's a reason they call them Massholes...bless their hearts! Out.

Resolution

In accordance with my New Year's Resolution - being more adventurous - I woke up this morning and decided to go to Maine. I visited a few of my favorite places - the Coastal Candle Store, Drake's Island, and Nubble Light. Also spent a few minutes in downtown Portsmouth NH. When I was in the candle shop the owner asked if much had changed since I had been there last and at that point I was able to happily say no, not much had changed. Sadly as the trip progressed I found many things had changed. First, the house at Drake's Island is up for sale. Maureen and her family have decided to sell it. Second, the place we used to eat by Nubble Light with the beautiful view of the ocean and Nubble - has been torn down and in its place is a big purple house. So now instead of anyone being able to enjoy the view...only the owners of the house get to enjoy it. So many houses are for sale, so many wooded lots are for sale, so many stores closed and for sale. Progress at the cost of one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. A place that felt like home even before it was my home (if only for a few months). Of course the progress has been happening for years and there have been countless acres of woods and beaches taken up by stores and homes but at what point will the progress be too much? It is still beautiful though and hopefully will be beautiful for many more years.

Word of the Day

The word of the day is....

Consistency.

Consistency is great. Without it chaos rears its ugly head. Consistency.

WHAT IS BUFF????

If you want to hear the story about Buff ask.

I have but one thing to say today...

Life ~ Too many freaks and not enough circuses.

Peace out.

You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose...

Been awhile since I had a bus story...the gods were smiling on me today though. I witnessed a kid...about 19 I guess....sitting across the aisle from me. I was fortunate enough to look his way as he was diggin for gold in this right nostril. He stuck gold and again fortune was smiling on me as I witnessed the boogie on his finger and then watched as he hurled it into outer bus space. I didn't see where it landed but I was extremely pleased that the trajectory of the nose gold was not in my direction.

Right before that I witnessed a new kind of begging/scheming. A woman was trying to convince the bus driver to let her get on even though she had an expired pass and no money. The driver told her to go get some change or get off the bus. A nice guy sitting up front gave her change. Yes you might be thinking there are good people in the world...and yes you would be right...HOWEVER what the woman did next took brass balls. She only put in part of the 90 cents he had given her (you can tell if you put the full amount in by the sound the meter makes). The guy who gave her the money called her on it but she argued with him all the way to the back of the bus (behind me). So for several minutes the driver and change loaner kept on with the comments and she kept telling them not to worry about what she did with the money. Nice manners. Nice.

More London

The picture of the hands in the sink is from the Ice Bar. We were washing our hands and we noticed another set of hands on the other side. The sink opens to both bathrooms.

London Calling

Had a GREAT time in London. Even though we were only there for a few days we did get to see a lot. The Globe Theatre, a fantastic meal and time at the Ice Bar and rang in the new year in Trafalgar Square...complete with fireworks. The big snow slide was out in front of the Tate Modern so Snooky and I both took a ride down the "hill". WEEEEEEEE!!!!