The end of the world

I can't believe I didn't write about this sooner!!!

In news of the supremely bizarre - Tommy Hilger hit Axl Rose at a bar/party the other night. Surely this is a sign of the apocalypse or perhaps the release of Chinese Democracy - same thing really.

Tommy freakin' Hilfiger? WTF?

April Showers bring...

It's Spring and that means the "interesting characters" are out frolicking full force in Central Square. Today the square was loaded with them. I saw drunks talking smack to one another, smelled smells I could have lived a lifetime without smelling, and saw some woman who clearly had had more than one child showing all of Cambridge her stretch marks and excess belly fat, nicely accesorized with a belly button ring.

There is nothing wrong with stretch marks and excess belly fat but I really don't understand the showing it off part. I don't think I'll be able to get the image outta my mind for a long time. I'm happy that she's so comfortable with her body - perhaps we could learn something from her confidence? Or perhaps not.

There are interesting characters everywhere - and some don't have the excuse of alcohol or drugs. I sometimes think I like the drunks and the junkies better than the straight out a**holes.

I smell bacon

I got pulled over this morning. I was out minding my own business taking an early morning drive when I made a left turn – at a green light – and apparently left turners are supposed to yield to oncoming traffic, even if the oncoming traffic doesn’t move when the light changes and even if that non-moving traffic is a cop. I get the whole yield rule – and I did yield for half a second and when the cop didn’t move I pulled out.

I pulled out and he turned his lights on and pulled up behind me. The first thing that went through my mind was “Of course – I haven’t showered; I have on no makeup and greasy hair.” Because for some reason a shower and makeup would make a difference. The second thing I thought was “Crap – I haven’t gotten a MA drivers license yet” and “Holy crap what/where is my registration” I had no idea what my registration looked like or if I really did ever put it in my car.

So officer big belly gets out of his car and bellies up to my car. And I said, “Was I not supposed to do that?” Sincerely not knowing I wasn’t allowed. He answered, “No ma’am, you are supposed to yield to oncoming traffic”. “Why did you pull out in front of a marked police cruiser?” I answered honestly “I really didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to – I’m very sorry.” Then I hand over the MO license and registration (thankfully when I opened my glove box I pulled out the only piece of paper in it – and it happened to be the right piece of paper. He then proceeds to ask me if I know that due to the fact that I have not changed my license I am subject to arrest. I said (voice shaking a bit for drama) "no".

He heads back to his “marked police cruiser” and checks my record out. He comes back and again asks me repeatedly why I pulled out in front of a marked police car and why I hadn’t gotten my license changed. I just kept saying I thought it was ok. I wanted to say BECAUSE EVERYONE IN THIS STATE PULLS OUT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE – HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN ON THE JOB MAN?

He let me go – thank you BB – and told me to get my license changed and don’t pull out in front of people again. Of course my only mistake was pulling out in front of a cop. What I did people do everyday – you have to go when you get the chance – just be wary of who you pull out in front of.

Bugger!

Popcorn makes a smelly burp

Does anyone know what "Brazil Nut" means - and I'm not talking about the real Brazil Nut. Tori dropped my Body Shop stuff off tonight at the front desk - body butter, scrub, and wash and it was all supposed to be Cocoa Butter scented but when I pulled out the scrub from the bag it was Brazil Nut and I said really loud in a southern drawl "BRAZIL NUT"?!?!? And Alex and the doorman both started laughing. I thought they were laughing at my loudness but Alex informed me the doorman was laughing because Brazil Nut is the male version of a Brazilian for women. Which made me pee my pants laughing. I think he made it up on the spot which made it funny - but I wonder if anyone else knew this - or perhaps everyone knew it but me. If it's new then I think he should try and patent it like Paris Hilton did with "That's Hot".

American Idol is almost over - and it's anti-climatic. Why do they have to sing the smariest songs at the end? WHY? And why isn't Chris there? Because I didn't vote maybe? But I voted for Kerry and he lost so maybe it's not me.

And why can't Constantine stop giving the sexy eye to the camera? Did anyone catch it right before the break? Ugh.

And why have I been a whiney butt all day? WHHYY?? :-)

I love Fridays

I took this from Emma's blog because it was one of the highlights of the day - this is a conversation that happened at work Friday morning between Carlo and Emma -

Today was supposed to be this big corporate golf outing, but it was cancelled due to the weather. So my co-worker, Carlo was invited and was planning on attending. I asked Carlo, if he even golfed at all. His response?

"Does it LOOK like I golf? I mean, I live in West Roxbury...I have a golf club I swing, but not for playing golf."

For those not familiar with West Roxbury - the best I can do is to have you think of a less scary version of East St. Louis.

And further proof that I should ride the short bus here's a story from Friday afternoon -
I have never really painted before - the only time I remember painting is helping my dad paint the shed one time when I was about 8. I'm pretty sure it ended with my dad cussing me out :-) I wanted to learn in case we needed to paint the new apartment so Tom offered to teach me.

First he shows me how to use the edger tool thing - to carefully and neatly paint a nice 4-5 inch border around the thermostat and the open electrical outlets. (This tool is so handy because it allows you to easily paint around objects in the wall without getting paint on them - that's the whole idea - you can stay a good distance away from them when you use the roller or brush. You probably already figure this out…anyway) Great - love the edger tool! Then he shows me how to load the roller - not too much - not too little - just the right amount of paint. He then proceeds to show me how to paint with the proper technique.

Now it's my turn to take the roller - it's not the short stick roller but the long stick roller. How hard can it be? Well apparently pretty difficult for me. As I get closer to the thermostat Tom and Paul tell me "Don't hit the thermostat" And I’m thinking - Duh! I know that - that' s why we used the edger tool!

So I’m rolling along and I roll right over the corner of the thermostat - not once - but TWICE. Tom kinda looks at me like - "Are you kidding me?" I wasn’t. I don’t know why I hit twice – I wasn’t trying to.

I want to give up but no - I have to try again - so I move on to the lower portion of the wall and jokingly am told not to roll over the open socket - again - DUH! I did it twice with the thermostat I think I get the drift now - Nope. It's like someone took over my arms and I rolled completely over the friggin' socket. Totally covering it in paint! Tom said two things 1. I can see why your dad cussed at you 2. You're fired.

Karaoke

I went to my first Karaoke Bar last night. It was quite an experience - I had no idea how seriously karaokites took it. It was fun - I didn't get up and sing - not enough money in the world to make me get up there - but we did tear up in the booth - singing along with the sing along. I do have to say I gained a better appreciation for DJ's - there is something to be said for keeping the music going - picking the right songs etc. While I know everyone is free to choose whatever they want to sing I think there should be a ban on singing really slow songs at Karaoke. Check out the guy - in the very grainy picture - doing the funky chicken - He was Awesome! Also note Miss tore playing the air bass - not the air guitar my friends - but the air bass! It doesn't get much better.

America Can't Vote

I felt it coming but it still made me throw up a little in my mouth (not really but I think that expression is so funny) when they sent Chris home. I'm expecting him to tour with Guns N Roses later this year. *dream a little dream with me*

Americaon Idol Rocks!??!?

Chris sang my favorite Elvis song!!! Suspicious minds!!! Thank ya! But what is up with the sunglasses? Cheesy!! I am so loving Elliot lately -this is too much pressure - who will be the next to go...I love them all...

EEK!! Chris just sang my OTHER favorite Elivs song. Is this my lucky day? It didn't say anything about this in my horoscope.

This is the fourth time I've had to come back to this entry - Freakin' AI folks are rocking tonight! I can't remember ever liking a season this much! Elliot - sweet lil Pan like Elliot - He better be around another week!

Kristin sent me the great pic of Gary Coleman and David H and the other pic is Jeff - Love it!!!

Red Hooded sweatshirt

No not the Adam Sandler song - I bought a red Boston hoodie a few weeks ago. While I love it because it's soft and warm I have to say there's a part of me that feels a little like a traitor wearing a Boston sweatshirt and not a St. Louis one. I guess I'm lucky to have two places to call home.

On to American Idol - Chris rocked yet again - outstanding - but it seems as though there's been a shift in his attitude - I'm almost afraid to say that I think he might be a little too confident - anyone else see it? Guess that's part of the whole rock star thing - lots of attitude - and yep I'd still buy his album/concert ticket.

Not loving K. McPhee's singing tonight. It doesn't help that I hate the song she sang.
Oh my, what is Taylor doing on the floor? It reminds me of Madonna on the MTV awards way back in the 80's when she sang Like a Virgin. Elliot Y just won me over - I've always had a tiny soft spot in my heart for him but when he sang his second song - Home - he got me. Very nice. What a sad/sweet song -

Another summer day
Is come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aerorplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believe in me

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

Cinco de Mayo is rapidly approaching!