Thoughts on the End

I was talking with one of the lab staff today about an email I sent out that had a minor flub in it (the pdf was upside down). I was telling her how I had righted the file and saved it as such and didn't realize it still went out upside down until after I sent it. The girl replied, "Sometimes the harder you try the more you mess up". And it gave me pause (literally) and I said to her, "You just summed up my last year and a half".

I've started going through my files and my office in general, getting rid of things, organizing, etc in preparation for my exit and the longer I'm at it the more I realize two things:

1. The people that I work with in this building are awesome - they have taken such good care of me and I will truly miss seeing them everyday. They were there when everything had turned to sh*t and even though they had no idea what was happening in my personal life they were friendly faces to see everyday and that made it worth getting out of bed - sometimes it was the only thing that made me get up.

2. The beast I've had to work for however is the exact opposite of all the great things they have been. And I'm reminded of this as I go through things - like the spiral notebooks that she insisted I buy - insisted. As I sift through the countless repeats of papers, policies, emails, and other things that she insisted we had multiple copies of, the notes and emails she wrote to me filled with !!!!!! for no good reason the more my stomach churns. I'm reminded that the harder I tried to do the "right" thing the more I screwed up.

Feels good just to get it out...

As I get closer to the last day of work and my last day in Boston I feel like I'm walking around with two heads. One that is ready and excited about my move and all the great things that are in store and the other that is sad at the great people I'm leaving behind. Actually I'm not leaving them behind - I just won't see them everyday...that sounds better.

Expect happier posts in the near future - even the happy things here are tainted with a bittersweet edge. But it's life right - it moves on with or without you and mine is taking me to Nashville where I'm going to be a country music super star and live happily ever after with my KY Bugg. I'm not really going to be a super star but I do plan on living happily ever after with a boy named Bugg. I also plan on making frequent trips to Boston, catching up with old friends, seeing my family more, sweating to death in the heat and humidity and kickin' some serious bootay at my new job.

Thanks for participating in my afternoon moodswing!