Chuck Norris

Emma sent this to me today. Some of you might have seen this...I don't know why it cracks me up so much but I seriously can't get through it without laughing my butt off.

http://www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty

Weekend Rituals

It is my habit to have Dunkin Donuts coffee and a Double Chocolate donut on Saturdays and brunch at Legal on Sundays. I didn't make it to brunch today but opted for two days of donuts instead. In the elevator I met an older man who I see regularly on the bus. He's the nicest guy; retired and works part time as a tour guide for various visitors from all over the world. Interesting man and I enjoy chatting with him. Turns out he was going to DD as well and offered me a ride. We got our fix and as we were exiting the car to go back to our apartments I hear two large uh farts (fahts). I was so startled that for a minute I thought they came from me. I then hear two more and realize...nope not mine. Of course I didn't say anything about it and neither did he...but it got me to thinking...is this what we have to look forward to in old age...random, uncontrollable flatulence?

I have to tell a lil story on my G'ma related to this. Now G is the epitome of a grandma, sweet, innocent, polite ~ the whole granny package. I've never heard her say a bad word, never heard her burp, belch, or even hiccup until one holiday dinner. G was making dinner~she and I were the only ones in the kitchen and I hear the tiniest toot from her side of the room. Shocked into laughter I asked her if she did indeed let a teeny toot rip. She laughed and said "Well I didn't think anyone would hear me!" She's 95 and I guess flatulence that age is ok and you've earned the right to toot, fart, pass gas, whatever in your own kitchen. I still though hold out hope I don't fall victim, at least not too often, to the terror of the accidental toot. If you know me I've probably shared with you my avoidance of letting the gas escape...unless it's a burp...I seem to have no problem belching with the best of them. At any rate...I rarely pass the gas...I'm so bad that on the few occasions where I've let one escape while sleeping (for some reason I wake up right as it's happening) I will blush...even when I'm alone. I'm embarrassed even for myself to hear it.

Probably a little too much information today but I found it funny. :-)

Roller-rific

Skating was a blast! I did manage to fall a few times. Right after I started I fell right on my butt...it rattled my teeth. The second time...a small child cut me off and in order to avoid squashing her like a bug I took a dive. I have a nice goose egg on my left knee. I sorta like it because it's the first time I can remember actually having anything that resembles a knee bone. Here are the pics..you can see the roller rink dust on my knee.

There's also a nice picture of Amanda and her blister.

Kick Ass Chicks

Tomorrow morning I'm going roller skating with Em, Amanda, and Jenna. To say I'm excited is an understatement. The three of them are joining a roller derby and they are going to practice skating tomorrow and I get to tag along. No roller derby action tomorrow just skating. I have to say these three girls are amazing which brings me to the fact that I feel so blessed to know so many amazing women! Snooky, Kristin, Dee, Megan, Michelle, and the list goes on. Kick Ass Chicks!!

The skating tomorrow brought up some old memories of skating rinks from years gone by. The most vivid memory I have is going to the rink with my cousin Heidi while we were visiting her family in East Moline, IL. Heidi was an excellent skater and she had a skater boy boyfriend Tom. They were the it couple at the rink...totally awesome. At the end of the night they were couple skating and some boy knocked Heidi and she fell and hit her head. Bad but not the worst of it. She got up...all seemed to be ok...we went home. We went to bed...in the middle of the night she woke me up because she wasn't feeling well. Understatement number 2.

I wake up and notice a wetness on me and the sheets. Turns out she had puked all over the bed and ME. So I'm covered in puke. Nice. They took her to the hospital and my grandma..who was also on the trip with us... came in to sleep with me. I don't remember a whole lot except for the fact that I distinctly remember smelling like puke all night and it was really hard to sleep and I remember feeling like no one really cared much that I had been puked on. Just cared about Heidi and her concussion. Concussion...being puked on...isn't it obvious who deserves the sympathy? :-)

I was telling Kristin about tomorrow's skating adventure and she relayed her own humorous rink romp to me. She was at the rink and the cutest boy in school asked her to skate during the snowball. Now the snowball, I found out tonight, is when they turn off all the lights except for the disco ball ~ aka snowball. So the whole school is watching them snowball and she locked her wheel in his and they borderline flipped...and did in fact succeed in falling in front of the entire school. She said they both just got up without looking at each other and didn't speak to one another for at least a year. The shame...too overwhelming.

Ah young love in the 80's. Heidi and Kristin....tomorrow is for you. I'll try not to fall on my 33 year old ass. No locking wheels, no puking.

Tonight I went over the Emma's to watch some TV. (Thank god Master P finally got voted off Dancing with the Stars! Bless his heart but he wasn't any good) I walked up her stairs into the foyer and knocked on the door. I tried to open it and found it odd that it was locked...it's usually not locked when I go over. I was further surprised when the girl that answered the door wasn't Emma, Jenna, or Amanda. Turns out I had the wrong house! Yup, that's right...wrong house.

Thanks and good night!

Lost my mind and my car

I drove to work a few days ago and parked in the garage. I left the car there until this evening. I went down to the basement level where I left my car and it wasn't there. I looked all over the basement for it...nada...no car. Two other mini's but not mine. I went back up to tell The Colombian that I lost my car...he thought I was joking but sadly no joke. So we go back down to take another look and up one level...still no car. I'm beginning to feel the panic start to creep up...we go up to the garage office where they assured me that there hadn't been any cars towed recently. The girl in the office called someone to help me.

TC continues to look for it while I wait for the garage guy. The garage guy comes screaming up in a golf cart, I hop on and we're off. Down to the basement, and then up, level after level, feeling like I'm on an out of control roller coaster or Mr. Toad's Wild Ride...still no car...no word from TC.

According to the garage guy this isn't that unusual of an occurrence..some people who have more than one car actually forget which car they drove to work and end up on the golf cart searching for one car and finally realizing they drove the other car...so I didn't feel quite so stupid...stupid enough though. The whole time I just kept repeating over and over that my car is gone...it's gone..it's gone. I distinctly remember parking in the basement! Shocker ~ I was wrong. I actually parked on the 3rd level?!?!? Feeling stupid but relieved I'm finally reuinited with my car. Is it Friday yet?

Hump Day

Delusional. I'm watching American Idol and that's the word that keeps popping into my head. I think I'm going to try out next year. I think I have a shot. Total package. :-)

This is for my girl K....a little hump for hump day! (What you gonna do with all that junk? All that junk inside your trunk? My humps, my humps...)

The cat won't stay out of the toilet. He has a new fascination with the swirly water in the bowl.

Had an interesting conversation with the PR and The Columbian at work today. Em and I were sitting around gabbing with the boys and the PR told us a story of a trip to South America. His family "grew pigs" :-) and in honor of his visit they "picked" one and requested that he kill it so they could eat it for dinner. Unfortunately the knife they gave him was dull and try as he might he couldn't kill it because the knife was so dull. I think Grandma stepped in at this point and took care of business. Then they torched the pig and served up the swine for dinner. TC shared his own sweet swine story with a twist. No knife...but a bat. Which lent itself nicely to a talk on batting cages, Formula Uno, and rickety rollercoasters.
And I can't forget Emma. E did a fantastic re-enactment of a chicken dance scene from Arrested Development. I love my job!

That time of year

Yes friends it's American Idol time again. For those of you that haven't had the pleasure of watching these special people make utter fools of themselves you have no idea what you are missing. I'm not picking on the sweet souls that can't sing but rather those obnoxious "idols" that sound like a cat in heat yet swear they are it. It's freaking hi-larry-ass. On a side note my friend Emma bought the funniest t-shit. It's an outline of MA with the saying "Massachusetts...the M is for Shut the F*** Up" Or something close to that. . There's a reason they call them Massholes...bless their hearts! Out.

Resolution

In accordance with my New Year's Resolution - being more adventurous - I woke up this morning and decided to go to Maine. I visited a few of my favorite places - the Coastal Candle Store, Drake's Island, and Nubble Light. Also spent a few minutes in downtown Portsmouth NH. When I was in the candle shop the owner asked if much had changed since I had been there last and at that point I was able to happily say no, not much had changed. Sadly as the trip progressed I found many things had changed. First, the house at Drake's Island is up for sale. Maureen and her family have decided to sell it. Second, the place we used to eat by Nubble Light with the beautiful view of the ocean and Nubble - has been torn down and in its place is a big purple house. So now instead of anyone being able to enjoy the view...only the owners of the house get to enjoy it. So many houses are for sale, so many wooded lots are for sale, so many stores closed and for sale. Progress at the cost of one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. A place that felt like home even before it was my home (if only for a few months). Of course the progress has been happening for years and there have been countless acres of woods and beaches taken up by stores and homes but at what point will the progress be too much? It is still beautiful though and hopefully will be beautiful for many more years.

Word of the Day

The word of the day is....

Consistency.

Consistency is great. Without it chaos rears its ugly head. Consistency.

WHAT IS BUFF????

If you want to hear the story about Buff ask.

I have but one thing to say today...

Life ~ Too many freaks and not enough circuses.

Peace out.

You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose...

Been awhile since I had a bus story...the gods were smiling on me today though. I witnessed a kid...about 19 I guess....sitting across the aisle from me. I was fortunate enough to look his way as he was diggin for gold in this right nostril. He stuck gold and again fortune was smiling on me as I witnessed the boogie on his finger and then watched as he hurled it into outer bus space. I didn't see where it landed but I was extremely pleased that the trajectory of the nose gold was not in my direction.

Right before that I witnessed a new kind of begging/scheming. A woman was trying to convince the bus driver to let her get on even though she had an expired pass and no money. The driver told her to go get some change or get off the bus. A nice guy sitting up front gave her change. Yes you might be thinking there are good people in the world...and yes you would be right...HOWEVER what the woman did next took brass balls. She only put in part of the 90 cents he had given her (you can tell if you put the full amount in by the sound the meter makes). The guy who gave her the money called her on it but she argued with him all the way to the back of the bus (behind me). So for several minutes the driver and change loaner kept on with the comments and she kept telling them not to worry about what she did with the money. Nice manners. Nice.

More London

The picture of the hands in the sink is from the Ice Bar. We were washing our hands and we noticed another set of hands on the other side. The sink opens to both bathrooms.

London Calling

Had a GREAT time in London. Even though we were only there for a few days we did get to see a lot. The Globe Theatre, a fantastic meal and time at the Ice Bar and rang in the new year in Trafalgar Square...complete with fireworks. The big snow slide was out in front of the Tate Modern so Snooky and I both took a ride down the "hill". WEEEEEEEE!!!!