Proof

Took this picture with my camera phone - out of the Mini's sunroof. Pretty nice thing to see driving home from work on a Friday...

As God is my Witness..

Even if I do find a church I like to go to I will NEVER wear clothes from this website...I don't care if they do sew 'majestic plus size clothing'.

http://www.modestapparelchristianclothinglydiaofpurpledressescustomsewing.com

Thanks to Pam for sending this :)

Scary

Ventriloquists give me the creeps under normal circumstances but last weekend I got sucked into this kids show called Maralee Dawn and Friends and the creep factor went up by 100.

It was almost like she could go off the Mommy Dearest Deep end at any point and even the kids on the show who were part of her skits looked a little creeped out.

http://www.maraleedawn.com/

Shoes Shoes Shoes

Since I can't buy any new ones I'm getting my fix another way...
http://www.twentyonepictures.com/gallery/shoeproject/index.html

Liberty University

I guess I never paid attention - but in doing some research into the Two Rivers Baptist Church 'scandal' I came across the factoid that the pastor's daughters go to Liberty U - founded by Jerry Falwell. I was reading about the college on Wikipedia (love the Wiki) and found this interesting tidbit about the behaivor code the students have to follow:

Behavior
The university has a code of student conduct, documented in "The Liberty Way", including possible reprimands (and with the accumulation of reprimands, fines) for attending dances, violating curfew, viewing R-rated movies (on or off campus), drinking (or even associating with those drinking alcohol), smoking, viewing sexually explicit material, entering the bedroom of a member of the opposite sex (on or off campus), and participating in unauthorized petitions.

As Falwell once stated, "When we ask a faculty member be dismissed when he's teaching something wrong, our president understands and it's good to do that — because your paycheck may not be coming along next week if you don't."

And this:
Biology and fossils
Liberty University supports young-earth creationist organizations including Answers in Genesis.[citation needed] In Biology classes students are taught both evolution and creation. An additional class called History of Life investigates issues of creation and evolution.
In December 1991 Creation reported, Arlton C. Murray "excavated a dinosaur for Liberty University’s museum," which proclaimed "this dinosaur was the first of its kind in any creationist museum."

On October 23, 2006, evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins spoke at Randolph College, where he was told that Liberty has on display dinosaur fossils dated a few thousand years old to correspond to young Earth creationism. Dawkins criticized, "If it's really true, that the museum at Liberty University has dinosaur fossils which are labeled as being 3000 years old, then that is an educational disgrace. It is debauching the whole idea of a university. And I would strongly encourage any members of Liberty University that are here to leave and go to a proper university."

Currently, the school is looking for biology teachers with "a young-earth creationist philosophy."[Furthermore, the school asserts "there is now mounting evidence that man and dinosaurs did indeed live on earth at the same time" and claims "the chances are good" that there were dinosaurs on board.

It boggles my mind quite honestly.

More Jesus

Jesus really is everywhere apparently. I heard on the news this morning that Barbie has some competition. They have now created biblical 'barbie' dolls and they are selling like hot cakes at - surprise surprise - "Wal Marts primarily in the South". I am quoting the newscaster directly.

Also while searching I found this for Halloween - a pumpkin prayer complete with instructions on how to cut the pumpkin:

“Pumpkin Prayer”

{cut off top of pumpkin}
Lord, open my mind so I can learn new things about you.

{remove innards}
Remove the things in my life that don’t please you.
Forgive the wrong things I do and help me to forgive others.

{cut open eyes}
Open my eyes to see the beauty you’ve made in the world around me.

{cut out nose}
I’m sorry for the times I’ve turned my nose at the good food you provide.

{cut out mouth}
Let everything I say please You.

{light the candle}
Lord, help me show your light to others through the things I do. Amen

Church

So recently I've been thinking a lot about God, Jesus, Church and how I fit into it all, if at all. I've had a few experiences I'd like to share. I am by no means making fun of God/Jesus...I just have issues with organized religion in general and so if you detect any sarcasm/criticism it's directed at the organized part and not G & J.

First off a few weeks ago I was feeling particularly inquisitive and I called an Episcopalian minister (I randomly picked the church from Google). I told him right off the bat that I don't think I'm necessarily a good candidate for church for a few reasons

1. I cuss
2. I think the Bible is a really good story but I have issue with the 'taking it so literally' part and I don't see me getting over that anytime soon
3. I do not believe that homosexuals are evil sinners that are going to hell and I never will
4. I want to know "when is God going to put the smack down on the Evilest woman in TN b/c she's a liar and hateful and uses being a 'christian' when it suits her needs"

He had some interesting things to say - I respected what he had to say - he had a sense of humor and I may go by someday and attend a service and/or talk with him some more.

I've also had the opportunity to visit a couple different churches in the last few months with Steve's parents. I don't mind at all b/c I am curious but Bugg likes to joke about the Church going up in flames when I walk in. As if I'm that bad :) But to be fair I think I have yet to walk into a church and not cuss - it's like a nervous tick or something. I also can't make it through a service with my family without laughing or making my brother or mother laugh.

Anyway - at our first visit to a church in KY they were making an announcement that Billy Graham's son was going to be there in a few weeks for his mission and before I knew what happened I turned to Bugg and said, 'Billy Graham is a Nazi'.

I said that is b/c someone told me that tidbit several years ago and I never forgot it b/c it upset me so much to think that he would be an anti-Semite. Now I don't know how much truth there was to that statement but my source was reliable.

This past Sunday we went to one of the larger baptist churches here in Nashville -

It was the 11:01 service - i.e. the contemporary service (the :01 is just a way to be hip and cool according to Bugg's dad). I am not a contemporary church girl. Let me tell you why...

We spent the first 20 minutes listening (while standing) to the church's 'rock' band, rock out to Jesus rock - they were basically singing 80's power ballads to Jesus. They had lights, and sound, and big screen TVs and I swear to god even a smoke machine - at least it looked like smoke was hanging around up on the lights. Many of the members were holding their hands up waving back and forth and I'm thinking - this is not Motley Crue dude - this is church. But I got my lighter out anyway and started headbanging and chanting "Jesus Rocks, Jesus Rocks" - kidding.

This next part isn't why I'm not a contemporary girl - it's just random info about the service.

We spent the next 30-35 minutes listening to the pastor/minister guy tell us all about the turmoil in the church (it's been on the news - he spent church money to pay for his daughter's wedding reception but evidently the church committee people said it was ok to use church money to pay for half of it b/c he had to invite the whole congregation b/c he was the minister and it wouldn't be right to exclude anyone).

Anyway - some of the members are ticked off about that and other things and they want him to step down so it's going for a vote next week and he was basically campaigning to keep his job. So it wasn't exactly the sermon I was looking for but it makes for good convo nonetheless.

All I have to say is - He better not be lying after he got up there and made such a deal of it - I can understand making a mistake and being human - but don't lie man - that's not cool with Jesus at all. It reminded me a lot of Jim Baker and the whole thing stank of scandal. I hope I'm wrong though b/c he sure did look super hip standing up there in his jeans and untucked button up - it helps him relate to youth you know. This paragraph pretty much sums up the reasons why I am not a fan of big churches, organized religion or contemporary services.

It sorta made me miss my FAT priest at the catholic church I went to as a kid. You don't really have to think much when you're catholic. You go in, sing, kneel, pray, listen, take communion, give your money and leave. Then you go drink beer and play bingo. But I'm not really a fan of the catholic religion either...they have their own scandals and issues. Maybe I'll start my own church/religion. But what would I call it? Nat-o-nites? Natholicsm? Narmons?

On a possibly ironic note (I'm still not sure how to use that word) while we were taking Bugg's parents to see the house we pulled up behind this big black SUV covered with bumper stickers - a couple of standouts (though they were all in the same school of thought) I Love SATAN and Jesus Loves You...Asshole.

Amen

Sunday

Cheese

The house

We went to church and lunch with the Bugg's today. Also drove by our soon to be 'new' house.

And Monday will be here before ya know it *sigh*

Out the office window

It's rainy here today - would have been a glorious day to stay in bed - but instead I'm at work. It's not so bad though because I have two big windows in my office and I've been watching the rain. The pic was taken right after the latest batch of rain came through.

Best Job Ever?

Bugg knew a guy in college named Scooter (of course) who had an interesting job. He worked at the local Movie World video store in Murray and his job was to watch the pornos so he could tell inquiring customers about them should they...inquire.


I didn't even know such a job existed before he told me the story last weekend. I wonder what Scooter used to give the movies a rating since the thumbs up/thumbs down system was already taken...

Are you kidding me?

You may know that I've had my fair share of creatures sharing my apartment over the last 5 months. There was the ant infestation, the daily spider encounters, the millipedes, the roly poly bugs, the moths and mosquitoes that fly in every chance they get, but this weekend was the topper.

We came home from somewhere on Sunday and outside the door – above the door frame – I saw this cocoon like thing. I inched closer and realized it was a BAT! A small creepy bat hanging upside down above the door.

The neighbors little boy was outside too so I called him over and he began educating us on how it was a fruit bat and it wouldn't bite us as it only liked to eat things like apples, and fruits, and mosquitoes...blah blah blah..all I can think of is the bat in my hair twittering and fluttering and tangling it into a big tangly nest...

Then his mom comes up the stairs and she, like me, was not at all amused by a bat being so close to our homes. I told her about all the other "creature comforts" of my apartment and she began relaying her ant stories to me - evidently they had/have ants way worse than I did. They had ants in their bed and at church one Sunday they marched out of her purse!

But back to the bat...we are several feet from the door watching the bat intently when it wakes up and takes off flying. Well I of course run and duck and cover my head - trying to remember that there's a small child around and it's Sunday so I'm doing my best not to cuss but screaming nonetheless. According to Bugg I was the only one screaming and flaying around.

I haven't seen it since thankfully but I am so ready to move out of this zoo.

As a Bonus - We also got a letter from Mission Management last week that we have a Peeping Tom in the complex. Apparently he likes to get his peep on early in the morning when people are getting ready for work. Good times at the Mission Brentwood apartments.

No Matter What

I feel like I'm in one of the Orbit Gum commercials - "A clean mouth - no matter what"

D.A. of the week and it's only Monday

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070924/od_nm/cricket_warne_text_dc;_ylt=Asx5qPzq2yOR3vR3uHHqc7ADW7oF

This guy deserves everything he gets. He's an idiot and a pig.

Dumbass of the week - so smart yet so dumb

This girl goes to MIT and yet she doesn't have enough common sense to not wear what looks like or could be percieved to be a bomb to the airport.

She said it was art and she was proud to display it. She could have gotten shot on the spot - then of course her family would have been outraged and sued somebody.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070921/ap_on_re_us/fake_bomb

Rascals

I'm not a bad person - I just laugh at inappropriate times...

When I see people - particularly old people (old people is the theme for the week apparently) riding around on Rascals it makes me laugh.

Not a mean laugh but giggles like someone is tickling me. I don't know what it is but seeing them motoring around the store or down the street sends me into a giggling fit.

Motor on!

Old People

Why do old people think it's ok to cut in line? Do their manners shrivel up just like their skin when they get old?

I've had it happen to me several times - most recently today at the Kroger pharmacy. I could see out the corner of my eye the oldie scooting up closer and closer to me while I was talking with the pharmacist and I knew she was going to make a move.

Then the old bat sprung into action... She patted me on the hand while I was talking with the pharmacist and slid her prescription across the counter in front of me and said she'd pick it up tomorrow and shuffled off into the distance.

As if being old and patting my hand made it ok to cut and interrupt me during my quality time with the pharmacist.

So I ran after her - body slammed her to the floor and taught her some manners. Kidding.

I can't wait to get old so I can have an excuse to be rude.

Somebody Got Married!

Chardale and Mike got married this weekend and we went to the wedding and partied down Marshall County style.

Chard was a beautiful bride and Snooky a stunning Maid of Honor. Megan and Kate came down from Springfield so it was a nice Sigma mini-reunion.

It was a busy/fun weekend and to top it off Rufus is back - he survived the flight and is adjusting to his new surroundings.

Here are some pics from the wedding :-)

Snooky, Chardale, Me

We take Visa, Mastercard, and American Express

Megan, Kate, Snooky, Me

Stud Bugg

Chard's kids - Drew & Dylan

You know

Megan & Kate

More pics from last weekend

TN State Fair and My First Go Cart Ride

They make it so easy - Dumb Asses of the Week

This story is about a serious subject - drunk driving -it's bad you shouldn't do it - but if you take the drunk part out of the equation it's quite funny I think. What's even funnier to me is that I just wrote an entry yesterday about my former BFF and I doing the exact same thing when we were teenagers - minus the drinking. And honestly these two guys seem like they've got a good sense of humor although not the best judgement - their quotes particularly make me laugh.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070907/ap_on_fe_st/odd_owi_drivers

This is my favorite part: They're planning to defend themselves in court with an argument that neither had control, so neither was driving.

Curt Weisenstein

Belleville, IL is a town near my hometown of Mascoutah. The main street in Belleville holds a lot of memories for me. My first eye doctor was there, I got my first passport picture taken at one of the shops there (horribly bad hair in that pic) and it was perfect for 'cruising' on the weekends when we were in high school.

We had so much fun driving up and down main street - one night my friend Laura got pulled over by a cop for supposedly running a red light (it was yellow but whatever) and she was soooo scared when the cop came up to the car she could barely contain the urge to cry and I was sooooo nervous I could barely contain the urge to laugh.

There were also the times when I would scoot the swivel bucket seat of my '76 Monte Carlo way back and I'd let Laura do the brake and gas while I'd be in charge of the steering as we cruised down main (why we did this I don't know). Main street has an old haunted theatre, a big water fountain in the middle of the rotary and used to have back in the late 80's all sorts of high school boys with mullets and Metallica t-shirts (ah sweet sweet deadbeats).

But more importantly it had Curt. Curt was a local guy who did odds and ends around main street and helped local businesses with errands - he wore a bright orange safety vest as he walked up and down the sidewalks doing his errands and you could just about count on seeing him if you were on main during the day. Although I never spoke to him I'm sure I must have waved at him at some point and smiled - at least I hope I did.

I found out yesterday he passed away from pancreatic cancer a few days ago - he was 69. While he was not nearly as famous as Pavarotti he was famous in our area and he was a kind soul and happy person and I just wanted to share him with you. Here are some of the articles written about him by the local paper http://www.bnd.com/homepage/story/120982.html

http://www.legacy.com/Belleville/Obituaries.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonID=93800704

Disappointed

I’m lucky for a lot of reasons I realize this but even the lucky ones can be touched by disappointment and I’m feeling it heavy on my shoulders today. People can be downright disappointing.

1. The number of liars and the degree to which they lie and believe their own BS is extraordinary lately. The believing their own BS is what gets me the most I think.


2. The lack of follow through and consistency is staggering. Remember – when you don’t follow up with someone or do as you promise it make the other person feel pretty worthless.


3. The pure evilness of some people is overwhelming and it makes me wonder why it is that the good die young and the bastards live forever. The exception to this would be my grandma and grandpa and I’m sure a few of your grandparents as well – but generally speaking this seems to be the case.

And yes I have to ask – what am I doing to bring this on myself – but I don’t think it’s me. Or maybe….I’m lying to myself and I’m believing my own BS…or maybe I should just get a bunch of stickers made up that say “You Suck” and start handing them out to people who disappoint me.

A Nice Long Weekend

Uh - seriously cute stuff going on here

My favorite shoes

The Arcade - not a very good pic I know

The mom with her beer, the son against the wall and the dad in his GnR shirt

My favorite President - Abe

I ended up not going to Boston this weekend - which of course makes me sad - BUT so far I've had an excellent weekend. I had lunch with Karissa - she grilled pork loin with fennel and bacon and it was sooo good and she cooked red cabbage and made sweet tea with mint from her garden. We finished off lunch with a tiny birthday cake and ice cream - sweet :) Her birthday is Monday...so we got a bit of a head start on the celebration.

Bugg came back from KY this afternoon and we decided to be adventurous and check out downtown Nashvegas. First we went to Art at the Arcade - First Saturday Gallery Crawl. It was FOC (free of charge) and we visited several galleries - it was... interesting. One of my favorite things to do at art galleries is to watch all the uber cool artsy types walk around looking uber cool and artsy. I'm neither of the those things so it's really not my scene and Bugg leaned over and whispered to me at one point "I stick out like a turd in a punch bowl". But it was fun to do something different. www.artatthearcade.com

Then we headed down towards Printer's Alley and stopped by Nashville Nights - a hole in the wall bar that didn't charge a cover - and listened to a girl named Ally sing with the house band. For about an hour we were the only patrons in the place but we did our best to cheer her on. She was actually really good - and sang some Journey and Pat Benatar which pretty much made my night.

A family came in at one point - the dad had on his Guns n Roses t-shirt and jean shorts, the mom had on some other black rock radio station t-shirt and jean shorts (Bugg had to point out that she was actually a she - I thought it was a man when she walked by) and the son also wore a black t-shirt and jean shorts. The mom was shaking her money maker hard core, pounding the Bud Light and singing along like nobody's business, the dad was video taping/taking pictures of Ally the singer and the son (probably not even 21) was standing against the wall looking really uncomfortable as his momma shook her booty in his direction. I was able to get a picture. Good times.

Then Abe Lincoln walked in and for a minute I thought perhaps I had taken an Ambien and was dreaming but alas he was real and I got a picture of that too.

I also snapped a pic of me and Bugg's mugs :) and one of my favorite shoes - which I wore tonight b/c well they just don't get worn enough.

Puttin the Smack Down on Wal Mart - sorta

Please overlook the humidity stricken hair - it's all about the shirt

Going to Wal Mart (or the Wal Marts as some are keen to say) is just about against my religion but lately I've been getting my groceries there b/c it is SO much cheaper. And yes I feel like I'm selling my soul to the devil but it's cheap and I'll work out the moral dilemma later...point of the story is not my soul - well actually I guess it is according the cashier we had last Sunday.

The Book of Natae - Chapter 1 Verse 1

Bugg and I are unloading our groceries and the cashier is beginning to check us out when the following convo takes place (some of you have heard this already)

Cashier "Would you like to donate $1 to the Vandy Children's Hospital?"
Me "No thank you, not today" (I was sweet about it)
Cashier "Well if it were me I'd think especially on Sunday I'd want to give"
Me - pausing for 30 seconds to collect myself and absorb what she said and decide if 1) I walk out right then without my groceries 2) Reach across the counter and tear her lips off 3) Respond politely or angrily.

I go with 3 and say "Well what you don't know is that my boyfriend gives every year to the Ronald McDonald House b/c his niece's family spent a lot of time there when she was a baby - so we give to them, but thank you for making me feel like crap" (and I said it politely)
Cashier "Well I'm SORRY" (all pissed off and hateful)
Me "That's ok - everybody's got a freakin' opinion" (not so politely this time)

And then she proceeded to throw our crap in the bags and I proceeded to stare at the floor or out into space seething and fuming and feeling like crap for losing my cool (slightly) and for not giving her the stupid dollar and upset with her for saying what she said.

I got my change back - $51.00 (hmmm) and left.

Fast forward to today - a week later - and I'm still bruised by it b/c it's none of her business what I do on Sunday or any other day so today I called Wal Mart and relayed the entire story to the manager - even that I was a crab too. He apologized and agreed that she was out of line and told me he would be speak to her. Whether he will or not I do feel like he took me seriously and did find her to be out of line as well. I feel better but it would have been fun to rip her lips off :)

Also - please note that I was wearing my Jesus shirt that day (pictured above.) You'd think that would count for something.

And I know a few things Jesus Wouldn't do - he wouldn't make you feel like crap when all you were trying to do was save a buck on groceries and he wouldn't be self-righteous and judgemental.

Cha Cha Chachi

He's still dreamy
http://www.baiowatch.com/

Long Hunter State Park

Bugg and I took a nice walk around some lake at Long Hunter State Park. It rained today so it was cooler and less humid - nice walk...nice lake...nice park...looking forward to going back during the fall.

Crane chillin on the bank

My boogie man

Nothing scares me more than being happy. I'm trying to go with it though; enjoy it; stop worrying so much...

little wonders - rob thomas

let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don’t you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and i don’t mind
if it’s me you need to turn to
we’ll get by,
it’s the heart that really matters in the end

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

all of my regret
will wash away some how
but i can not forget
the way i feel right now

in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away but these small hours
with these small hours, still remain...

Life in Assisted Living

My 96 year old grandmother lives in a lovely assisted living home in OH. She's been there for several months now and has had quite a few new experiences.

Some background: She grew up and spent her whole life in a tiny farm town in IL,. She's a religious, modest, sheltered woman who taught school for many years and probably has never uttered a curse word in her life - maybe a 'dang' but I doubt it. She's probably only had one sip of anything alcoholic and that was some champagne after my first wedding (that sounds weird - but it's true - first wedding). And it took a lot of explaining and gesturing to explain to her what balls (testicles) were one Xmas - long story but freaking hysterical (DO NOT TELL HER I TOLD YOU).

Anyway - point being she's old school and I think it's great she's getting to see some things at this home she wouldn't have otherwise been exposed to. I also find it a tad humorous I'm not gonna lie b/c it's my grandma you know - but good for her for broadening her horizons at such a ripe age. Here are some examples:

• A few months ago she saw Romeo and Juliet for the first time at a local playhouse/college
• I believe but can't prove it that she 'flirted' a tad with an elderly gentleman who lives at the home - harmless of course but oh so cute
• Recently she spoke of going to 'church' one Sunday - a group of youngin's (20 somethings I imagine) came to the home with a local pastor or youth group leader and had a church service for the residents. She doesn't want me to tell anyone but she said it wasn't much of a church service as they just played BINGO and didn't even ask any Bible related questions and she said she'd never seen so many tattoos and piercings in her whole life. I told her that I think the new wave of Christian is trying to attract a younger audience and it's 'cool' with God/Jesus to be tattooed and pierced. She quoted chapter and verse of where it says in the Bible that we aren't to 'disfigure' our bodies and I dropped it. Finally...
  
• Today she told me the residents were entertained yesterday by a group local belly dancing students. 20 odd belly dancers shimmied and shook for an hour plus in front of them. She told me that she turned to one of the gentlemen residents after it was over and said, "well we sure didn't fall asleep did we?"
  

I'm trying to imagine my grandmother watching belly dancers - but bless her heart she did.

You're never too old right.

Day 497 - ANTS

So it's really only been a week or so since the ANTS invaded and I don't really have anything new to report - I just felt like writing. Actually I do have an update - they have now officially moved INTO my refrigerator. I sprayed em a few times with windex last night - kills them without the harsh chemicals - but when I got up to get a drink at midnight and saw them swarming and crawling and being disgusting in the cracks of the refrigerator door seal and down near the crisper drawers I had enough so I busted out the RAID and sent them all to Hell.

I then stayed up for several minutes debating on whether or not I should now throw out everything in my fridge b/c I realized I could actually be poisoning myself with all the Raid I've been spraying - "Isn't that like ironic or something if I like totally killed myself with the Raid instead of the ANTS?" (said while I tilt my head to the side and twirl my hair with my finger).

Earlier in the evening two more of them crawled on me while I was watching TV - I'm not sure if they are migrating to the living room or if they jump on me in an effort to escape the poisonous Raid gas in the kitchen. No matter - I squash them like the ANTS they are and send them to Hell.

I did have to put pants on last night (instead of the shorts I usually wear while watching TV) b/c I was afraid I was literally going to end up with ANTS in my pANTS. One was crawling up my thigh so it's not such a far cry to envision him making his way to third base - and frankly I'm not that kind of girl...so I squashed the perv and sent him to Hell.

To Hell I say!

I was just about to post this post :) when I found the following blog on ants (my comments in purple):

a lot of people says that ants brings good luck. it is the belief of most Filipinos that when you see ants in your house you shouldn't kill them because they are blessings. yes that is true that ants are blessings because they are a creation of GOD. but let us look to a deeper meaning. what does it really conveys us?

HERE ARE THE 3 CHARACTERISTICS OF ANTS ACCORDING TO BIBLE:
1. small yet extremely wise. they say that wisdom has nothing to do with education. you could be the most intelligent person in class but you are dumb. (yes but are you small - b/c everyone knows being skinny is what it's all about. Seriously, I don't really get her argument here - first it's about small and wise then she explains it by comparing wisdom with education - which I agree with but it has nothing to do with small yet wise statement she started with - did the Raid rot my brain?)

2. not strong yet diligently working. they just keep on working. one example is when they're making a colony and some human being destroyed it they will go to another place and will start building again. they don't take revenge and they don't complain. (almost makes me feel bad....but not quite for two reasons 1) how can they complain - they are ants (tiny little things - what are they going to do - body slam you? 2)they are strong. aren't they able to carry like a gazillion times their own weight?)

3. no ruler yet motivated. they don't need someone to tell them what to do. (isnt' the queen the ruler? I don't know - I'm asking)

IN SHORT: LIMITATIONS ARE NOT LIMITS!!!**GOD SAID: "Go to the ant you sluggard**

I'm still going to kill them - forgive me but I am.

Things I ponder when I'm alone at night with the ANTS

I just found an ANT crawling between my boobs - I guess we're intimate now - which I suppose is a good thing since they seem to be setting up house in my kitchen.

Anyway the reason for this post - the thing I'm pondering - if by some act of God I got motivated or got gastric bypass surgery and lost a bunch of weight like Star Jones would I end up looking as freaky as her? Would I too look like a bobble head with big bug eyes?

Yep that's what I think about when I sit here at night.

I bet Star Jones doesn't have ANTS.

ANTS

These are just some of the dead ones

Live ones crawling on the wall

My kitchen has been invaded this past week by ANTS. The bug guy came and sprayed and they seemed to have moved from to the other side of the kitchen - they aren't near any food or water sources anymore - they are just swarming around the cabinets making me friggin sick.

I am distraught - I hate things that swarm. I've already had a few crying episodes tonight - which I know is silly b/c they are ants for frig sake but it's really gross and it creeps me out. My mom and I have been trying to trap them and kill them in various ways and it's not working - so I turned to the internet. Here are a few of my favorite and/or disturbing findings...

• Squishing them will bring in more ants. When ants die, they emit a "death smell" so others can carry the carcass back to the mound. (this one is disturbing b/c of course I've been squishing them - damn them!)
  

• Also, go get some instant grits from the grocery store and put it directly on the mound, maybe a tablespoon or two, and when the queen eats it, it blows up inside of her and makes her explode, killing her and her brood. Keep this up and your any problems will go away. (this one makes me laugh and I imagine that queen bitch blowing up and taking her worker ho's with her)

• the best thing to do in my books is to sprinkle baby powder (talcum powder) around where they are coming in, and if you want them gone in the longterm, after cleaning your kitchen everyday, spray (or rub) a little peppermint oil ALL over your ant attractive places! this works great and keeps the kitchen smelling fresh and clean all day! good luck de-anting

Dumbass of the week

This is so awesomely stupid there aren't words...

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,293208,00.html

Basically this guy tried to rob a liquor store and used duct tape as a mask - see picture. Is it wrong that it makes me laugh so much?

And a toilet shall be the death of her

This is the Bite Me 300 Toilet.

I almost stroked out today b/c the toilet in the second bathroom is not working properly despite the fact that the maintenance guy 'fixed' it earlier this week. This wouldn't normally be a problem except that my mom and Steve are coming for a visit and my mom was supposed to use the 2nd bathroom. What really set me off was the fact that the management company basically said sorry about your luck but our on call guy isn't coming out there for that - it's not an emergency.

I flipped out on poor lil Whitney (the girl working in the office today) and told her that they can sucking eat my deposit when I break my lease b/c it's total BS that they won't come out and fix it. I have no idea what sucking eat my deposit means but I was so mad that's what came out...along with other four letter words. I told her that I hoped the maintenance man's toilet blew up on him while he was on it and what's the use in having someone on call when they don't come out and fix things. I know it's just a toilet and I have another one - but that's not the point. As Snooky pointed out - I pay for two beds/two baths and they should work.

Soooo not a fan of Mission Apartments right now.

Oh and I don't think I mentioned - on the news Tuesday night they did a story about a guy getting arrested after the cops found 500 pounds of pot in his apt - $500,000 street value. The apt is conveniently located off of Old Hickory Blvd - aka Mission Apt - aka - my apt complex.

I've settled down considerably and I've been plunging the *&%$# toilet for the last three hours - I've finally gotten it to flush all the way once.

Back to plunging.

The Kite Runner

Finished it. One of the best books I've ever read.

Wikipedia - I hate you

I started reading the Kite Runner last night. So far a really good book which made me want to do a little research on the author and the book so I googled it this morning and came across a link for it on Wikipedia.

I started to read just the general info about the book and the characters and I'll be damned if it didn't give away key points in the book. I was so mad! I wasn't expecting it to tell me any of that. They really should have a disclaimer about spoiling the whole thing posted in big bold writing.

Granted there are times (several times) when I get so anxious/engrossed in a book that I read ahead - but that's my choice - this was accidental and it upset me. And yes once I figured out that the character descriptions were also giving away the plot I stopped reading.

Just thought I'd share so it doesn't happen to you. You're welcome.

Demolition Derby

Went to my first Demolition Derby this weekend. The derby itself was pretty entertaining. The only commentary I have on the whole thing is 1) I don't understand why anyone would bring tiny babies to a demolition derby - the noise, the heat - it's hard enough on regular sized people 2) people were sitting awfully close to the 'pit' and it's not a far stretch for one of those cars to come right up over the embankment and smush someone. It's the safety geek in me I'm sure but you couldn't pay me to sit that close.

Two Things

I was doing some admin stuff today for someone at work that consisted of me paper clipping a card to a piece of paper that would then be mailed out. As I’m clipping the cards it occurs to me that I’m using large paperclips and perhaps I should be using the small paperclips because maybe they always use small paperclips and large paperclips would be a bad idea. Then I thought – ‘I’m a crazy person’ and banged my head on the desk a few times.

After I got a grip I realized why I had that much anxiety about a paperclip. I was having flashbacks from the boss from hell experience at my former job. And the fact that she would have most certainly had issue with large paperclips. And after I figured this out I realized that normal people don’t care about paper clip size Natae – they don’t care.

I will not get a lecture about the size of the clips or my decision to clip them on the left side of the paper. I will not then be reminded endlessly thereafter of the importance of using small paper clips, nor will she (ex-boss) waste 30 minutes of my life giving me instructions on the exact type of paper clips I should order from Staples in which color, plastic covered or straight metal. Not going to happen. Instead I did the task and the person I did it for said, ‘that was quick – thanks’. Hmm I did a super job - gold star day I thought with sarcasm – which leads me to my other thing…

The person I did this task for is super nice and they meant no disrespect when they told me – wow that was quick – but given my issues with my job lately I wanted to hit myself in the chest with my hand in a palsy like manner and walk off muttering b/c seriously – it’s not like it takes a lot of skill to do what I just did – was it supposed to take me all day? I HAVE A COLLEGE DEGREE – I ARE SMART DAMNIT! Yes I know it should be ‘am’.

Utilize my mad skills yo - utilize me - I'm begging you!

All out of Love

I was watching the Time Life Soft Rock Collection infomerical last night before bed (I'm a tad ashamed to admit it but those Time Life Music-mercials suck me in). So anyway this one was all the soft rock favs of the 70's-90's and there were some killer songs on there sung by some people who looked like killers (honestly what happened in the 70's and 80's to make men look so damn scary/creepy?)

Point of all this: It was being hosted by the two guys from Air Supply - soft rock heaven if ever there was - and it occurred to me that the little guy in Air Supply looks like Bilbo Baggins from Lord of the Rings and a little like Bea Arthur actually now that I look at the pictures and somebody else that I wanted to remember and I have completely blanked out...it'll come to me at some point - in the meantime check out the resemblance

Bilbo

Air Supply Hobbit - on your left

New Favorite Song

Brandi Carlile ~ The Story

Love the way she sings it, the way it sounds, the lyrics...listened to it 4 times on the ride to work today. Obsessive? A bit but that's part of my charm. Here's the song:

All of these lines across my face

Tell you the story of who I am

So many stories of where I've been

And how I got to where I am

But these stories don't mean anything

When you've got no one to tell them to

It's true...I was made for you

I climbed across the mountain tops

Swam all across the ocean blue

I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules

But baby I broke them all for you

Because even when I was flat broke

You made me feel like a million bucks

Yeah you do and I was made for you

You see the smile that's on my mouth

Is hiding the words that don't come out

And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed

They don't know my head is a mess

No, they don't know who I really am

A nd they don't know what I've been through like you do

And I was made for you...